Today is hectic.It's my Bday and I still feel severly BIPOLAR.I dont know what to do?

I have been a wreck all day and even more now I'm tired but cant shut my depresive thoughts down.I'm bipolar and have postpartum.Yesterday my pshych told me if I'm feeling that bad to go check myself into the ER. I didnt because I'm weighing it out for the sake of my husband and Bday.I feel like im greiving but for no reason.I feel impulsive.I feel as if I might snap.I know I wont but I'm in fear if I get anymore stress I might act out of anger and say or do something I dont mean.I'm getting panic attacks because my mind drifts to JUST DIE.It's repetitive and I cant stop it.I get mad because I dont want stuff like that poping in my head.I would never do such a thing but If I got mad and had something near me I would be afraid if I would act out.I dont have anyone to waych my son while I go.My husband works and cant miss or he will lose his job.This is just getting out of wack.It got really bad since seroquel.Antideps giveme manic and seroquel is making me depressed.I have never felt like this.I'm 22 today and feel miserable.I'm so scared and cant push my self to go.I will cause my familt toooo much stress.